adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision. On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me. i know that fucker’s weaknesses. i could totally take me in a fight.”
Water signs (cancer, scorpio, pisces): *tries to read someone else’s entire personality based on a tiny mannerism or expression they used and rides the assumption train straight to hell*
Air signs (gemini, libra, aquarius): *gets unrealistic crushes on strangers and obsessed with the concept of how it would be like to date them in a really serious way, then forgets about it and moves on to the next fantasy*
Not to turn mental illness into relatable content but is there anything more hilarious then spending an entire day vamping up to do something like spending ALL day thinking about it and putting it off and dreading it and then you finally, FINALLY do it and it takes 6 seconds and you realize that was your whole day plan
me online: men are absolutely evil. nothing they do or say can be trusted and they should be avoided at all costs
me at a bar: convincingly fake laughs at a guy’s borat reference because he’s 6′4
